I cockslap morals
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
