i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
