I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
