I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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