youre lurking in front of me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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