she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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