Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
