he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize