i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
