Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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