So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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