he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
