The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
