come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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