She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize