I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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