So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
