I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
