am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
