I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
