She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
