Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize