Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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