Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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