I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
