I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
