Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize