My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
