Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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