how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
