I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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