Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Randomize
