I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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