So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
