stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
