God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
