maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize