I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
