I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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