i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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