Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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