PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize