Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
