Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
