rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i love accidental penises.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
