I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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