How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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