In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
