I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
send nudes
from the living room?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
