She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
