Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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