This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
