I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
