Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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