we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
