I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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