his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
