you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
