remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
