At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
