New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this just has baby written all over it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
