that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
