I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
