Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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